It's amazing to see the direction pop culture has taken one of the most feared creatures in human history and made into a romantic, beautiful, mysterious, and all together desirable commodity. As little as 100 years ago, saying that you liked vampires could have got you killed. But now, thanks to Hollywood and romanticists, the vampire has shed his terrifying persona and become a thing that love stories and grand heroics are made of. But one thing escapes the movies, the novels, and all the screaming teenage girls gushing over that oh so seductive fellow who's initials are E. C......
None of all that is even remotely accurate.
So what? Most logical people will say that it's all make believe, and since vampires aren't real anyway, these movies and sappy novels about kind-hearted creatures of the night are just good fun. After all, who in their right mind would think vampires are real anyway? Well, besides a bunch of ridiculously obsessed young girls, no one, right? This is an age of reason, right? Well, that may not be the case.
In fact, there are many people, a lot of them perfectly sane, not to mention intelligent, who believe these beings do, or at least did, exist. The fact is, there is even evidence that they really did in fact walk at one time, whether they still do is another story. But we are not here for history lessons, right? So despite the drawings, the stories (funny how vampire stories were found all over the world before there was world communications), and I am going to tell you whet they really are....
They are people, just like us.
OK, so maybe not quite just like us, they have a few gifts, a few deficiencies, and there bodies aren't quite like ours. So, how are they different? How are they alike? And how the hell would I know that anyway? Well, no, I am in no way claiming to be a vampire, or that I really even know one. But, how I know is not as important as what I know, and if I explain it, you would think I am crazy anyway. So for now we will leave it like that. If you truly want to know, maybe you can contact me via email and someday I will tell you, but for now, let's stick with what is truth about these creatures.
First, how are they different? Well, the stories are right about a few things. For one thing, It is true that they cannot go into the sunlight, because they truly are allergic to it's rays. However, the dramatic explosion, or the withering to dust, or even the rotting to nothing is not accurate. Truth be told, true vampirism is caused by a germ, a virus or bacteria, maybe even an enzyme of sorts, and it does some crazy things, but it's biggest downfall is that when a vampire goes into the sunlight, a type of cancer is formed on their skin that even they cannot heal from, and it will kill them in a very short time. How long depends on the amount of exposure, how long they have been out of the sun before this exposure, and the strength of the vampire overall. But it is never pretty, and always lethal. However, it is true that they can heal from just about anything. Whatever it is that gives them this condition, it also works with the bodies white blood cells, healing and even fighting off other diseases. Think of it as the opposite of the HIV virus. The germ in them multiplies, and works to actually keep their host alive, making it one of the most intelligent organisms ever. Imagine, an organism, single celled, smart enough to work with the body so as to keep the body alive. The longer the host lives, the longer they have a home. That is simply amazing! Imagine if we could duplicate this without the side effects? Now that would be something. The best part of it is, the organisms do multiply, so as to heal wounds are fight diseases even more efficiently with time. So while they may not be immortal, another fallacy of the stories, if your body continually heals all wounds and fights of all diseases and cancers, you could potentially live a very, very long time.
Next is the whole idea that vampires need blood to survive. Well, that much is true. But what is rubbish is the whole idea that that is ALL they need, or even that they need a lot of it. While it is true that the bug that gives them this great healing ability, it does take something in return, and whatever that is, it can be found in blood. Exactly WHAT remains a mystery. Maybe iron, and vampires today get by with supplements, which is why they escape detection. Or not. That is something no one seems to know. But they do indeed need regular food, too. The body does require more than just the blood to survive. They also do not need all that much blood. Usually a cup or two a night is more than enough. That's a far cry from these movie vampires who drain whole bodies every night!
Now as far as super strength, well, it's not all together wrong. If the body can heal from anything quickly, it only makes sense. When a weight lifter works out, he actually creates small tears in his muscles, and it's the body healing these that creates mass and strength, so if a being can heal from this in a tenth the time we can, they could get very strong, very quickly. So an incredibly strong vampire is totally possible.
But the most important thing to remember, these beings are not immortal, or magical, and historically speaking, even very nice. They knew they were more gifted then others, and exploited that. Traditionally, they were cruel, power hungry, and little more than a passing disdain for other humans. You know, the best movie that depicts their attitude was perhaps Underworld. But the idea that they looked at themselves as our protectors, or even as wanting to be with us, was no where near the way it was. We were their underlings, plain and simple. Granted, modern technology and weapons may have changed that, but to trust one if you ever did meet one because you think they are just a misunderstood creature, is just asking for trouble.
I know many an adoring Twilight fan will be totally pissed about this. "This guy doesn't know what he's talking about. He's just an idiot writing mean things about my Edward." To that I say sure, if that's what you want to believe. But do me one favor. If you take nothing else from this, and do try to meet a vampire, or worse, succeed in actually finding one in this day in age, remember one thing above all else as he looks into your eyes with that dark, brooding stare.....
I told you so.
